As becoming emotionally and romantically intelligent has gained awareness, the phrase "love language" has obtained a great amount of attention. What exactly is a "love language?" I first discovered the phrase in a "Marriage and Family Interaction" course I took in college. After completing an analysis assignment where we had to take an online quiz that helped us discover each of our "love languages," things began to make sense. I always knew I expressed "love" differently than those around me. I don't consider myself an affectionate person. It wasn't until I got to college that I told my loved ones that "I loved them." And this was only because others around me did. I don't like getting gifts; it has always made me feel "bad." It feels like I am burdening the gift giver, regardless of the fact that it was voluntary. I began to think, what is wrong with me? Why can't I let people be nice to me? Why am I so closed off/reserved? However, looking back on my life thus far, I took a glance at how love was expressed in my household and East-African culture. "Love" overseas looks so different than the typical Western idea of "love." Affection doesn't exist, no physical touch, "I love you's" are rare. But this is my normal. So what is love to me? Love is an action word. Love is a verb. Love is doing. If I love you, I will show you by doing things for you. And I love to receive in that fashion, as well. In my personal relationships, I've noticed that not everyone loves + likes to receive love in the same way. I have friends who love getting gifts. I have friends who love to spend a great amount of time with their significant other/loved ones. It is SO important to know and understand the "love language" of those around you. Otherwise, you will spend a lifetime loving someone improperly, wondering why they're being "ungrateful" or "unappreciative." We all come from different walks of life and have different wants + needs. Every moment from your first breath to this present moment has contributed immensely to your way of thinking, your way of loving, and your way of living. Always remember that love isn't exclusive to a romantic love. Love is everything. Love is your family. Love includes your friendships. Love is your neighbor. Love is anything and everything in between. Take the time to open your heart and ears to understand your loved ones. The Five Love Languages:
Receiving Gifts: Gift giving is extremely common in relationships. It's actually scientifically proven that when we give, we are more happier and satisfied than when we receive a gift/service. In various studies, the brain has released more of the "happy" neurotransmitters in the brain when giving to others in comparison to receiving. Someone who receives gifts doesn't have to be materialistic. It could be as simple as feeling loved when receiving flowers, their favorite candy, a coffee mug, etc. You could possibly hurt this lover by not getting them gifts that are thoughtful or gifts in general. It can be assumed that since they love receiving gifts, they'll spend a lot of their time and money buying you gifts. They can be disappointed if it isn't reciprocated. Words of Affirmations: This is commonly illustrated as someone who feels the most love when receiving compliments. Hearing "I love you" or other warm words. This doesn't limit the compliments to physical features. Hearing warm compliments on their personality, their outfit, their cooking, their sense of humor, etc. You could hurt this lover with negative comments or not reassuring them with communication. Acts of Service: People who identify their "love language" as acts of service love actions. Talk is cheap. We want to see it. Acts of service could be as little as washing the dishes, taking your lover's car to get a car wash, going grocery shopping for them in place of them, etc. It is exactly as the common phrase says "Actions speak louder than words." However, it is not properly completing the love language if the receiver has to ask or if there is pessimism involved with the completion of the act. It should be pure and genuine. You could hurt this lover by complaining while doing the service and/or not keeping your word/following through with the action. If you say you will do something, we will expect you to do so. Physical Touch: Those who crave physical touch may require more physical affection. This may include kissing, holding hands, and hugs. Someone who loves physical touch and isn't receiving this need from their partner could be hurt and let their minds wander. They may feel that there is something wrong with them or that you simply aren't interested in them. Quality Time: When I think of people who prefer to be loved with quality time, I think of when teachers in grade school used to ask the talkative classroom for their "undivided attention." These types of lovers like being around their loved ones. This can be exercised by engaging in public setting activities, like grabbing something to eat or going on a walk. However, it could also just be executed by chillin' in the house with movies and snacks. It is up for translation depending on the person; essentially, they just crave your presence. You can hurt this lover by ghostin' them when you guys had plans and/or cancelling. If they really care about you, they were looking forward to spending time with you. It may come off as the feeling not being mutual. Being emotionally aware is so essential for everyone despite gender. Look up a love language quiz online to discover how you like being loved!
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thoughts from the soul.I have a lot to say. I'm a Leo sun+moon sign with a Pisces rising... that should explain it all. Archives
May 2022
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